


At Least the Plan Worked

by Rathenon



Series: 1-800 BIG FOUR [4]
Category: Tennis RPF
Genre: Big Four - Freeform, Bromance, Gen, Humor, M/M, Swearing, Texting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-25
Updated: 2019-08-25
Packaged: 2020-09-26 18:01:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,292
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20393848
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rathenon/pseuds/Rathenon
Summary: Rdotnadal: @Swissmaestro why are you so late, i am waiting for youRdotnadal: @Swissmaestro stop texting and come over, it is very weird for me to be standing outside by myself like thisAdotmurray: ???TheDjoker: oooooh boy





	At Least the Plan Worked

**Author's Note:**

> guess who's back after mucking through a bunch of work ahhhhhhhh
> 
> lol seriously though, sorry about the wait. So much stuff has happened in tennis since I last went on here, whew. #12afa
> 
> Hopefully it won't take another bajillion months for me to update next time! ha ha ha
> 
> Have a great US Open, everyone :) 
> 
> **LAST TIME ON 1-800 BIG FOUR: THE PLOT SO FAR**
> 
> _Roger starts a texting group chat between the Big Four and is inadvertently bombarded by Andy and Novak's disconcertingly fanatic conviction that Fedal is the One True Pairing. The Laver Cup commences. Frustrated by Roger and Rafa's perpetual lack of romantic bravery and tantalizingly agonizing flirting throughout the entire event, Novak blackmails Bjorn Borg into setting Fedal as the doubles pairing for Team Europe to Andy's horrified amazement. Roger confesses his own insecurities regarding the time of the Big Four to the group chat, and is solemnly comforted by the others. As the Laver Cup winds to an end, Roger privately messages Rafa and asks him if he wants to get dinner in Shanghai. Rafa accepts._
> 
> _The harsh road continues._
> 
> Disclaimer: not real

**Adotmurray: @Swissmaestro @Rdotnadal ** soooooooo

**Adotmurray: ** is there any reason why you guys are ditching the team europe laver cup dinner meetup in shanghai

**Adotmurray: ** that i and nole, as concerned friends, should be worried about?

**Swissmaestro: @Adotmurray ** none of ur business 

**Swissmaestro: ** stick ur nose somewhere else :P

**Swissmaestro: ** wait 

**Swissmaestro: ** actually 

**Swissmaestro: ** wtf 

**Swissmaestro: ** how did u even know about that??

**Swissmaestro: ** aren’t you still resting ur hip in oxscott/surrey/england??

**Swissmaestro: ** or wherever the fuck you live

**Adotmurray: @Swissmaestro ** bc you can’t hide from me

**Adotmurray: ** i see everythiiiiiiiiiing

**Adotmurray: ** *spooky ghost noises*

**Swissmaestro: @Adotmurray ** very funny

**Swissmaestro: ** it’s bc of jamie isn’t it

**Swissmaestro: ** idiot doubles bastard poking around where he shouldn’t

**Swissmaestro: ** ugh

**Adotmurray: @Swissmaestro ** oi don’t talk about jamie like that 

**Adotmurray: ** like okay i get it he’s an idiot doubles bastard 

**Adotmurray: ** but he’s *my* idiot doubles bastard brother

**TheDjoker: ** ooooh are we talking about siblings??

**TheDjoker: ** just so everyone knows

**TheDjoker: ** marko and djorde are the best

**Adotmurray: @TheDjoker ** lol no they’re not 

**Adotmurray: ** at least my brother can actually play tennis

**TheDjoker: @Adotmurray ** u don’t need to be so mean :(

**Rdotnadal: @Swissmaestro ** why are you so late, i am waiting for you

**Rdotnadal: @Swissmaestro ** stop texting and come over, it is very weird for me to be standing outside by myself like this

**Adotmurray: ** ???

**TheDjoker: ** oooooh boy

**Adotmurray: ** ok wait wait wait

**Adotmurray:** back this fucking train up

**Adotmurray: ** back this god damned bloody train up to the station from a bajillion miles ago

**Adotmurray: @Swissmaestro ** ooooooh la laaaaa

**Adotmurray: ** looks like SOMEONE got a DATE

**TheDjoker: @Adotmurray ** they grow up so fast *sniff*

**Swissmaestro: ** for the last fucking time it’s not a date omfg

**Swissmaestro: ** y’all need to chill

**Swissmaestro: @Rdotnadal ** don’t worry i’m almost there!! Go in and get us seats first

**Rdotnadal: @Swissmaestro ** ok but hurry up 

**Adotmurray: ** wait srsly tho  **@Swissmaestro @Rdotnadal ** r u guys ditching team europe to have a date together??

**Adotmurray: ** that’s 

**Adotmurray: ** weirdly endearing

**Swissmaestro: @Adotmurray ** it’s not a date!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

**Swissmaestro: ** at this rate i’m gonna need a chat bot to say it for me jesus

**Swissmaestro: ** good fucking bye

**Adotmurray: ** rogerrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

**Adotmurray: ** swiss bitchhhhhhhhhh

**Adotmurray: ** *sigh*

**Adotmurray: @TheDjoker ** f he’s gone

**TheDjoker: ** :(

**Adotmurray: ** arghhhhhh this is stupid

**Adotmurray: ** jadk;slfjd;laskj;flkas

**Adotmurray: ** roger and rafa are finally going on a date and im stuck here in britain with my hip

**Adotmurray: ** and you’re also injured

**Adotmurray: ** juicy shit is about to go down

**Adotmurray: ** and neither of us can see it!!!!!!!

**Adotmurray: ** how the bloody hell is this fair???

**TheDjoker: ** no worries man

**TheDjoker: ** there is

**TheDjoker: ** how did that saying go again

**TheDjoker: ** ah that’s right

**TheDjoker: “** more than one way to skin a cat”

**Adotmurray: ** i

**Adotmurray: ** oml

**Adotmurray: ** this is going to turn out like the bjorn borg shit last time isn’t it

**Adotmurray: ** nole

**Adotmurray: ** nole answer me

**Adotmurray: ** sweet fucking jesus

**Adotmurray: ** we’re all going to hell aren’t we

**Adotmurray: ** wait who am I kidding

**Adotmurray: ** nole’s here we’re already in hell 

\--

**TheDjoker has started chat.**

**TheDjoker has named chat Help Roger Get Laid**

**TheDjoker has added Adotmurray and Swissmaestro to Help Roger Get Laid**

**TheDjoker has pinned a [stream] to Help Roger Get Laid**

**TheDjoker: ** sorry there’s no sound so we can’t hear what they’re saying but i think this is still pretty good :)

**Adotmurray: ** what the

**Adotmurray: ** nole

**Adotmurray: ** how the flying fuck

**Adotmurray: ** did you get a livestream of roger and rafa eating dinner

**Adotmurray: ** oh my god

**Adotmurray: ** you creepy stalker fuck fuck fuck

**Adotmurray: ** is this how you scout out other players on tour

**Adotmurray: ** is this how you got 12 grand slams??

**TheDjoker: ** it’s not that bad andy calm down

**TheDjoker: ** i tell you, i dont do this usually

**Adotmurray: ** usually?????????

**TheDjoker: ** just when I need to!!!!!!!!

**TheDjoker: ** like now

**Adotmurray: ** wtf

**Adotmurray: ** ok fine it’s fine it’s bloody fine

**Adotmurray: ** i’m not going to ask how you hacked a security camera

**Adotmurray: ** but bloody hell nole why are you a walking criminal conspiracy disaster

**Adotmurray: ** why do you have to be like this

**Adotmurray: ** WHY 

**TheDjoker: ** hey you said you wanted to watch them eat dinner so

**TheDjoker: ** now you can watch them eat dinner :)

**Adotmurray: ** brilliant maybe one day we can all watch you mope around in jail

**Swissmaestro: ** so uh hey 

**Adotmurray: ** oh shit 

**Swissmaestro: ** guys i’m sorry but what the everloving fuck

**Adotmurray: ** for the record

**Adotmurray: ** this is not my fault

**TheDjoker: @Swissmaestro ** we’re just trying to help you get laid, ok??

**TheDjoker: ** like for example

**TheDjoker: ** right now we see that you’re sitting across the table from rafa, which is proper dating formation

**TheDjoker: ** good

**TheDjoker: ** but your knees are crossed, which is negative body language

**TheDjoker: ** bad

**TheDjoker: ** fix it

**Adotmurray: ** wow ig we’re actually doing this

**Adotmurray: ** alright then

**Adotmurray: ** what the hell

**Adotmurray: ** we’re here for a good time, not a long time

**Adotmurray: @Swissmaestro ** if there’s a couple’s dessert on the menu you should order it

**Adotmurray: ** just saying

**Swissmaestro: ** omfg

**TheDjoker: ** also stop visibly texting on your phone keep it on your knees under the tablecloth or something

**TheDjoker: ** don’t let rafa know that you’re distracted from the real prize ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

**Adotmurray: ** good good you put it away brilliant

**Adotmurray: @TheDjoker ** this still feels intensely creepy but we’re making good progress

**TheDjoker: ** yes he is learning

**TheDjoker: ** at this rate they might even hold hands by the end of the night

**Adotmurray: ** hand holding lmao oh my we’re dipping into dangerous territory there

**TheDjoker: ** lol ikr chastity absolutely destroyed 

**Adotmurray: ** wait not really tho roger’s married, remember??

**TheDjoker: ** o shit

**TheDjoker: ** ur right

**TheDjoker: ** idk why I just realized that 

**TheDjoker: ** wait hold up andy

**TheDjoker: ** are we helping him commit infidelity??

**TheDjoker: ** that’s bad right

**TheDjoker: ** god dammit

**TheDjoker: ** fuck

**TheDjoker:** andy are we the baddies??????

**TheDjoker: ** are we destroying an otherwise happy marriage???????????

**Adotmurray: ** mate we’re not helping him he’s leaping straight into it himself

**Adotmurray: ** so if anything we’re just helping him on the road to happiness

**Adotmurray: ** at least that’s how I’m justifying this completely fucked up scheme we have going on here

**Adotmurray: ** =P

**TheDjoker: ** ok good point

**TheDjoker: ** well then

**TheDjoker: ** let’s do this, I guess

**TheDjoker: ** o look they’re onto the dessert course now

**Adotmurray: ** guess we came in pretty late in the meal oops

**TheDjoker: ** ok ok let’s see what they’re bringing out next

**TheDjoker: ** aaaaaaand

**Adotmurray: ** O BLOODY HELL YESSSS

**TheDjoker: ** THE ABSOLUTE MADMAN

**TheDjoker: ** HE DID IT 

**TheDjoker: ** HE ORDERED THE COUPLE’S DESSERT

**Adotmurray: ** AM I DREAMING NOLE PLS SLAP ME ACROSS THE SCREEN AM I DREAMING??????

**TheDjoker: ** NO UR NOT ANDY THE YEAR IS 2017 AND THIS SHIT IS HAPPENINGGGGGG

**TheDjoker: ** THERE’S ONLY ONE SPOON ON THE PUDDING PLATE HELL TO THE FUCK YEAH

**Adotmurray: ** WE BLOODY DID IT 

**TheDjoker: ** *sniffs*

**TheDjoker: ** we raised that child

**Adotmurray: ** you mean more like we punched him in the face with hints but yes that too

**Adotmurray: ** i’m so happy I don’t care

**TheDjoker: ** this is a victory for all of tennis

**Adotmurray: ** damn straight

**TheDjoker: ** o wait

**TheDjoker: ** hey wtf

**Swissmaestro: **look for the record if anybody still cares about that shit

**Swissmaestro: ** I didn’t order it

**Swissmaestro: ** rafa got confused at the menu and accidentally got it ok

**Swissmaestro: ** it’s all rafa’s fault

**Swissmaestro: ** I DIDN’T ORDER IT

**Swissmaestro: ** ON PURPOSE OK

**Swissmaestro: ** WE’RE JUST EATING IT BC IT’S NOT GOOD TO WASTE FOOD

**Adotmurray: ** god you’re so good at typing with one hand under the tablecloth

**TheDjoker: ** truly a man of diverse talents

**Adotmurray: ** the undeniable

**TheDjoker: ** G O A T

**Swissmaestro: ** fuck off

**Adotmurray: ** wait hold up is rafa eating that entire thing by himself

**Adotmurray: ** wut

**Swissmaestro: ** no

**TheDjoker: ** ??

**Swissmaestro: ** we’re stuck with only one spoon bc the waitstaff are totally avoiding us

**Swissmaestro: ** but rafa’s still a germaphobe

**Swissmaestro: ** so I told him to use the spoon first

**Swissmaestro: ** and I’ll use it after he’s done eating his half

**TheDjoker: ** ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh i get it now

**TheDjoker: ** this is your tactic for the famous

**TheDjoker: ** indirect kiss

**TheDjoker: ** ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

**Adotmurray: ** how devious

**Adotmurray: ** roger federer you are a man with hidden layers

**Adotmurray: ** ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

**Swissmaestro: ** ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh goodnight

**Swissmaestro has left the chat. **

**Adotmurray: ** so ungrateful smh

**Adotmurray: ** well

**Adotmurray: ** we’re probably gonna be put on a gov watchlist any day now but

**Adotmurray: ** at least the plan worked??

**TheDjoker: ** they didn’t do anything explicit like handholding 

**TheDjoker: ** but yeah I’d say so heh

**Adotmurray: ** hell yeah

\--

**Mirka is privately messaging Swissmaestro**

**Mirka: ** where are you

**Mirka: ** you told me no later than 9

**Mirka: ** it’s almost 10

**Mirka: ** is tony actually keeping you this late 

**Swissmaestro: ** sorry

**Swissmaestro: ** the meeting ran longer than expected

**Swissmaestro: ** 30 more min probs

**Swissmaestro: ** you can go ahead and sleep without me

**Swissmaestro: ** I’ll try to be quiet on my way in

**Mirka: ** fine

**Swissmaestro: ** look i’m really sorry

**Mirka: ** i said it’s fine

**Swissmaestro: ** we lost track of time talking about the contract negotiations for the laver cup next year

**Swissmaestro: ** I promise I’ll make it up to you tmrw

**Mirka: ** are you sure you were talking about contracts

**Mirka: ** and not 

**Mirka: ** lefty forehand top spin on clay

**Swissmaestro: ** ??

**Mirka: ** how about the french open

**Swissmaestro: ** what are you talking about? haha

**Mirka: ** i was going to say good night

**Mirka: ** but it looks like you had one without me 

**Swissmaestro: ** mirka wait i don’t know what you’re thinking but it’s not it

**Mirka is now offline. **

**Swissmaestro: ** MIRKA 

**Swissmaestro: ** MIRKA PLEASE

\--

**BIG FOUR (Adotmurray, Rdotnadal, Swissmaestro, TheDjoker)**

**Adotmurray: ** did you guys know that it’s possible for narwhals to grow 2 tusks

**Adotmurray: ** around 1 in 500 males do

**Adotmurray: ** but only 1 female case has ever been reported :0

**Adotmurray: ** animals are amazing

**TheDjoker: ** first of all 

**TheDjoker: ** no, I did not know that

**TheDjoker: ** second of all 

**TheDjoker: ** sir murray why are you messaging us about this at 

**TheDjoker: ** an ungodly time in the morning jesus 

**Adotmurray: ** the baby woke me up okay

**Adotmurray: ** they’re very fussy

**Adotmurray: ** so now here I am

**Adotmurray: ** looking up random facts on my phone as I desperately try to stay awake and forcefeed my child some milk

**TheDjoker: ** wow

**Rdotnadal: ** oh this is very good timing i was just gonna ask you all but i was afraid you were asleep

**Rdotnadal: ** has anyone heard anything about rogelio??

**Adotmurray: @Rdotnadal ** wait what what hold up 

**Adotmurray: @Rdotnadal ** did anything happen??

**TheDjoker: ** O__________O

**TheDjoker: @Swissmaestro ** hey are you alive

**Rdotnadal: @Adotmurray ** no i don’t know that’s why i’m asking

**Rdotnadal: ** he no responded to my messages

**Rdotnadal: ** is weird

**Rdotnadal: ** and no one else see him today

**Rdotnadal: ** on courts

**Rdotnadal: ** for practice 

**Rdotnadal: ** even though he had it scheduled for him, no?

**TheDjoker: ** yk

**TheDjoker: ** sometimes i wonder if god exists

**TheDjoker: ** and then

**TheDjoker: ** shit like this happens

**TheDjoker: ** ok  **@Rdotnadal ** when did you see him last

**Rdotnadal: ** restaurant 

**Adotmurray: ** did he act weird? Or anything like that

**Rdotnadal: ** no i dont think so

**Rdotnadal: ** o wait maybe

**Rdotnadal: ** i know he was texting mirka

**Rdotnadal: ** about how he was gonna be late

**Rdotnadal: ** and then after that his face got kinda white, no?

**Rdotnadal; ** but i think not much about it

**Rdotnadal: ** because i accidentally order the weird dessert thing

**Rdotnadal: ** and roger told me i can use the spoon before him

**Rdotnadal: ** because otherwise is very gross

**Rdotnadal: ** anyway so i gotta eat half of it first

**Rdotnadal: ** so i just eating as fast as i can

**Rdotnadal: ** and not paying as much attention as i shouldve

**Rdotnadal: ** :(

**Adotmurray: ** …

**Adotmurray: @TheDjoker ** hey so yk how last night we were djoking about how rog’s infidelity

**TheDjoker: @Adotmurray ** yes?

**Adotmurray: ** i think

**Adotmurray: ** that we just

**Adotmurray: ** actually created a bloody huge fucking problem 

**Adotmurray: ** for real

**Swissmaestro: ** i love you guys too

**Swissmaestro: ** what was that about my infidelity?

**TheDjoker: ** ROGER

**Adotmurray: ** o thank fuck I have never been so glad to see your online presence

**Adotmurray: ** what’s going on??

**Rdotnadal: ** roger, everyone is very worried about you

**Rdotnadal: ** where are you??????????? 

**Swissmaestro: ** ty for the concern everyone

**Swissmaestro: ** just had to sort some stuff out

**Swissmaestro: ** dw

**Swissmaestro: ** it’s good now

**TheDjoker: ** ah

**TheDjoker: ** what a shame

**TheDjoker: ** thought for a second there that I could stop seeing your smug face at wimbledon

**Swissmaestro: ** =______=

**Swissmaestro: ** ...thanks?

**TheDjoker: ** you’re welcome :)

**Adotmurray: @Swissmaestro ** okay, so you’re SURE that it’s “all good now”?

**Adotmurray: ** we bloody won’t have to deal with some fucking dramatic bullshit six months from now where we have to come together and use some even more fucking bullshit friendship powers to save our lives from being torn apart by some festering secret that you hide from all of us because you’re too ashamed to bother your friends for help?

**Adotmurray: ** complete with plot twists and character growth defining moments??

**Swissmaestro: ** i 

**Swissmaestro: ** uh wow  


**Swissmaestro: ** you sound like you’ve given this a lot of thought

**Adotmurray: ** quite frankly

**Adotmurray: ** it’s one of my more terrifying recurring nightmares

**Swissmaestro: ** ok well

**Swissmaestro: ** my answer is still yes

**Swissmaestro: ** we’ll be fine, alright??

**Swissmaestro: ** just trust me on this

**Adotmurray: ** psh

**Adotmurray: ** ok fine let’s ask rafa, the most trusting guy in the entire universe

**Adotmurray: @Rdotnadal ** hey do you trust roger on this

**Rdotnadal: ** being honest?

**Adotmurray: ** yeah that’s kind of the point here

**Rdotnadal: ** well

**Rdotnadal: ** no :(

**Rdotnadal: ** not really

**Rdotnadal: ** again, being honest

**Rdotnadal: ** sorry roger :(

**TheDjoker: ** lmao

**TheDjoker: ** there we go

**Adotmurray: ** ngl I never thought the confirmation of the apocalypse was going to come from a text message from rafael bloody nadal

**Adotmurray: ** *sigh*

**Adotmurray: ** you bloody cunts

**Author's Note:**

> we're in the shanghai arc leggo boys
> 
> Tell me what you think! As always, thank you so much for reading T_____T


End file.
